Nov. 21 2015

“A day late and a dollar short”.  Seems like I am always running behind.  Things I should of, could of, would of, if I had been better prepared.  Part of learning to appreciate things that happen, seems to me to be appreciating doing what you can, and letting the rest go.

I showed up at my parents facility today, to see that today was the day they were having a Thanksgiving meal.  I had thought about going to this, but never got around to answering the notice.  Many of the “upstairs” people were having a nice meal.  The “generations” group downstairs, was also having a nice meal, but nothing like upstairs.  The downstairs group are the Alzheimer people, or other conditions that make just doing the normal almost impossible.  One lady was screaming because people were “coming into my house”.   It makes it strange.  My dad is stuck in his bed, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing today.  My mom was in the dining room, but it was so crowded, she and I went and sat on the patio, and that worked much better. It was what it was, and I was glad I hadn’t tried to make a big deal out of it.  My parents wouldn’t remember it, and it wasn’t worth worrying about.

My daughter and granddaughter moved to Oregon this week.  She meant to get over to see my parents, but didn’t make it over there.  She was telling me she will feel guilty if they die and she didn’t get to see them.  I told her not to feel guilty.  It is what it is, and they wouldn’t remember it anyway. You have to do what you can, and let the rest go. The last few days with them were fun. kayla at the farmers market nov 14 2015 005

So, now let’s make a list.  Ten things to be thankful for…and let the the things that didn’t happen go.

10) I saw a video of Kid President doing a Thankful list.  He listed funny things, such as funny words, like windbreaker.  Cake.  So many of the day to day things we take for granted.  It was funny and made me laugh.  When they had a paper at work to write down things you are thankful for, and most people were putting down, “family and friends”…I thought of Kid President and put “muffins”.

9) Really thankful for the caregiver that has taken the extra time and effort to take care of my parents while I have been very busy elsewhere.  She stayed at the hospital, and really was the voice that was needed.

8) Trying not to be too OCD.  I am writing this post and trying to not let it bother me that they have changed the way this works.  I am getting through this, but they don’t have the “save” button at the bottom.  It will save it automatically now, which is a good thing that I SHOULD be grateful for, but I only want to go and hit the “save” button.  I will get through this, and I know that at some point would I would have “lost” my writing, I will be grateful that the post was automatically saved.  I never considered myself too OCD, but this just shows how bad I am.  Trying to be thankful for automatically saving !!!

7) My dad was in the hospital, and they kept telling me that this was the end of his life.  I asked for another 24 hours before they sent him back.  In those 24 hours he got better. He isn’t perfectly recovered, and is somewhat confused and sleeping a lot, but is holding his own.  I have learned the reason that you do  not want to your loved one on hospice.  They do take over and try to get you not to do anything for your loved one. And there are “rules” that keep you from getting what you want.  It gets complicated, but to simply state it, this past week, I came to hate hospice.  He is still on hospice, and they do some things that are helpful, such as providing a hospital bed and people that come and help on occasion, but overall, you are giving up much of what you want done.  At any rate, I am thankful that dad is back at the facility and holding his own.

6)  I must also say that I am thankful for the nurses and doctors that were helpful.  There were a few.  Thank you especially goes out to Tonya.  She was a good nurse.

5)  My daughter and granddaughter and my daughter’s boyfriend moved to Oregon this week.  We spend extra time taking care of my granddaughter while they were trying to organize everything else. I am thankful that this past week also coincided with the sixth graders being at camp, allowing me to take afternoons off.

4) I am thankful for the time with my husband and granddaughter this week.  We went to the mall and just walked around and had coffee on the mall.  It is an outdoor mall, and the sun was shining, the weather perfect and we had fun.  Another day, we went to the park and had a walk and swung on swings, then went and walked around a bookstore.  Great times. They are gone now, but I am glad I had these times together. Kayla at UTC Nov 17, 2015 004

 

Kayla's last day in PQ.Nov 18 2015 007

3) I went to a dinner at the church.  I received an invitation from someone that I really didn’t know very well. I have been to these “women’s dinners” before and sat there not really knowing anyone, and feeling very out of place.  I went determined to be friendly.  I was able to sit with a couple of very nice ladies.  I also saw some people that I hadn’t seen in a long time. Sometimes it is difficult to put yourself out there.  I am thankful that this dinner went well.

2) The lady at the church was speaking on how to get through the holidays, and make them more “Christ-like”.  I had been to a dinner like this before and the other speaker was making a hundred lists of things to do.  I had been exhausted by the end of the dinner, knowing I would never do any of those things.  This lady was different.  She reminded us that is is ok to let go of some things.  If you had given someone gifts for years, it doesn’t mean you still have to give them gifts.  Maybe it is time to let some of it go. I am thankful for that reminder.

1)The other note that I am thankful for came from the dinner.  The speaker also had this message.  “It’s not the things we do that make us tired, It’s the things left undone that wear us out.”  It is a strange thought. It is the thought of all the things we could of, should of, would of done, had we the time and energy.  She reminded us it was ok not to do everything.  Enjoy the things you do and let the rest go.  If we compare ourselves to others, we will think, I should go to the church play, go to the breakfast, go get more presents, go and go and go, and we will always end up regretting what we didn’t do.  If you do that, you will never enjoy what you did.  I am trying to remember that message, and appreciate what I am doing.

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15 thoughts on “Nov. 21 2015

  1. lrconsiderer

    Hey, I really love that you had such a gorgeous day with your husband and granddaughter. it sounds like it was a day full of memories which will endure.

    Sorry to hear about how challenging things are with your parents, but it sounds like you’re doing the right thing in letting go of your wonderings about ‘should’ you do xy or z….just maybe let them enjoy the time with you. I’m convinced that what wears us out is all the ways we think we ‘should’ be doing more/better all the time.

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  2. ivywalker

    I love kid president!!! My goodness your granddaughter is a peach! I remember having some hospice issuez when my dad was ill…my sympathies. Do what you think best for him and llet the rest go is all i can say about that…you will come outthe other side without regrets.

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  3. Clark Scottroger

    “…I had been to a dinner like this before and the other speaker was making a hundred lists of things to do. I had been exhausted by the end of the dinner,” lol (I trust that that lol is read as I intended it…. i.e. if I were sitting next to you at the dinner, and you said that to me (out of the corner of your mouth, because…well, because you don’t want to be rude, but …. that list!)
    (if I might) I would tend to semi agree with that second person about the exhaustion of things left undone… it’s more the things that we allow to form a list that causes the problem. (speaking for myself) when I remember to remind myself, I am less inclined to create a ‘need to do’ list that comes from another person and therefore more able to actually complete the items that are on the list.
    ya know?

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  4. valj2750

    #1 is an interesting thought to ponder. I agree – the things we judge ourselves for not accomplishing are what wear us out. Again, life tells us to focus on the positive (what we have done) and not on the negative (what we failed to do). This has been a week filled with tears and laughter for you. I wish your daughter and granddaughter the best in Oregon. Happy Thanksgiving.

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  5. christine

    I am so glad you were able to spend so much time (in the sunshine even!) with your granddaughter before they moved. While I’m sure you will miss them terribly, surely the memories will help.
    I couldn’t agree more with the notion of letting things go. Choose the few things that are important, do them well so you can enjoy them, and don’t worry about the other coulda dones. We do turn into bitter cronies if we keep doing things that keep us busy and keep us from enjoying the things we want to do.

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  6. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me

    I learn more every day that “shoulds” don’t really accomplish much except making us feel down on ourselves. I love that you have such moments of family and happiness and love in here, even amidst the sadder moments. Hang on to those beautiful memories that you’re making!
    Sending you positive thoughts!

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  7. dyannedillon

    Love the pictures of your granddaughter. Those cheeks! I know you’ll miss having her so close by.
    I don’t like to go to dinners like the one you went to, either. I am always uncomfortable to some degree. But what valuable information you came back with! The speaker was right, it’s the things you left undone that wear you out. I need to remember that, especially during this holiday season.
    Glad to hear your dad is hanging in there.

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  8. Kristi

    I’ve been telling myself lately that it’s more important to do good with the time I have each day than to try to get the whole list completed. There will always be more good to do than time to accomplish everything.

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  9. Pat B

    The world of Alzheimers is one that continues to baffle me. About the time I think I understand it better, there will be more for me to learn. Just last night I watched “Barbara, the whole story” on youtube. If you haven’t watched this, I would highly recommend it! I’ve read a lot about Alzheimer’s and watched other movies, etc. about this subject, but this is the best I’ve seen as far as giving one understanding of what it is like for the patient.
    I am for simplifying the Christmas season as much as possible. After one Christmas a few years ago, when just displaying a few small nativities and decorating a small indoor houseplant tree was all I could muster, I realized how much calmer and focused I felt during the season.
    What a sweet little grandchild! I hope they will enjoy living in Oregon.

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    1. summertimewanderer Post author

      Thanks..I haven’t heard of that movie..will look for it. I hope simplifying is good this year. It is the problem of doing too little and not getting into the spirit..and doing to much and being overwhelmed, isn’t it?

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