Exhausted and fighting off a headache, the idea of gratitude seems illusive. Yet, there are major things I am grateful for this week. Still, it seems impossible to say thank you for this, without noting that there is a possibility that things won’t turn out well, or that there are extenuating circumstances. True positive attitude, it seems to me, means that we say Thank you. That is it. No excuses, No saying “But it could be better.” Just thank you for what I have. That generally is not my style. I need to explain, to add to and to worry about what may or may not happen. I need to complain about those around me that make my life difficult.
I also find it rather bizarre that I need to come here and explain to strangers that my life is difficult. You might feel rather sorry for me. I certainly feel sorry for myself. Yet, I seem to be reminded constantly that we all have our own problems, and mine are not of the major kind. There is a man that is in the news this week. He is on every newspaper. He was suppose to be taking his family to Canada from war-torn Syria. Canada said no, so he started a dangerous trek to get his family out. Their boat sank and his family died. I cannot even begin to fathom this level of tragedy. If only…if only, …if only you could go back in time, and change one thing, maybe they wouldn’t be going through this. How many of our problems could be changed if we could go back in time and change that one thing. And yet, what could I change today to avoid that situation tomorrow? It is so hard to see where we are going.
Having said that, I will try to focus on the mundane thank-yous that I have. Some are major to me. Some are not.
10) Thursday was my mother’s 89th birthday. She has alzheimers and doesn’t really even know where she is. The place she is at, was very nice. They put balloons on her walker. They had a cake and made it a nice day. I stopped by with my daughter and granddaughter. So many of the people there wanted to hold the baby. I just could not let them do it. You cannot trust what they will do. One lady there is an old Chinese lady who speaks English, but has reverted to speaking Chinese. She was an Ob/Gyn doctor in her life. She was talking endlessly to the baby. It was very cute. I was sorry I could not understand a word she said. My parents seem to enjoy the visit. We made it short, but I am grateful that they were able to enjoy it. I am grateful my mom had a place that made the day nice.
9) I had a job interview this week. I think I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want the job. Luckily, there is another job interview next week. This would be quite the change. Going down to the preschool level. I am not sure I want to go there, either. At least I still have my part-time job. Why is it so hard to be grateful to have choices. I think we are programmed to be only grateful for that one spectacular job and not the little ones along the way.
8) I am grateful for a three day weekend, where I will have time to think about things like if I want more hours and a different job.
7) I am grateful that my son seems to be doing well. He decided to quit drinking. He could not get into a facility to detox apparently, because of insurance problems, and a lack of money. I am grateful that he had a doctor that was able to give him medications for him to help him. I am grateful that I heard from him yesterday that he is doing well. I certainly cannot foresee the future here, but I have hope that he will get on a better path.I am grateful for his roommates that watched over him. I think there are at least four “gratefuls” there, but I will put it all in one for this week.
6) I ran into an old friend this week, and I was complaining about all I have to deal with. There were certainly things I didn’t want to tell her about, so concentrated on dealing with my parents that have Alzheimer and Parkinson type conditions. She told me that her husband who had been an incredibly smart physicist, now has an Alzheimer condition and keeps asking the same question over and over. I know what she is going through, and I know she is at the beginning of a long road. I am grateful that for now that isn’t me.
5) I am grateful the weather has turned nicer and isn’t as hot. It has made sleeping slightly easier. I am ready for much much cooler weather. That won’t happen most likely, as I live in a warm climate, but at least I am not waking up wishing I could sleep.
4) Every day when I get in my car I am grateful it runs ! It has over 200,000 miles, and it squeaks and it makes some very strange noises, but the car runs. It gets me where I want to go and I love this car.
3) I am grateful that my daughter is loving being a mom. Her baby lights up when she hears her mother’s voice. My daughter didn’t do things exactly in the “right” order, and there are things, I know she wishes she could change, but she is a good mom and she loves it. That makes me very happy.
2) I am grateful that in spite of cheating on my diet, that I have not gained too much weight. I have a check in tomorrow, so we shall see how it is going, but hopefully it will be ok. I am 2 pounds away from my goal. I sincerely doubt I lost any this week, not being able to convince myself to stay away from the treats. I will have to be happy if I didn’t gain. How I will convince myself to get those final two pounds off, so I can start on a new section of maintenance, will be an interesting question.
- Once again this week, all my numbers have been followed by a ) sign, until I get to number one and once again, I am grateful that I really don’t care that it hasn’t followed the pattern and I don’t have to figure it out. Things aren’t perfect and that is ok
I have a lot to deal with this weekend. The list gets longer and longer, and I dread having to deal with any of it. The foreboding is ominous. There is a saying in my religion to “turn it over to God” and yet there are things I have to deal with. Hopefully, by looking at the things that have turned out right, I can face the future.