Disorganized. That is my day. Piles of papers to go through. Errands to run. My brain seems to run in segments. I make a list to be done. Get some of it done, and find the rest in a mess, and ready to be reorganized. I am in a state of transition. I was just reading a movie review of people in transition. The people in the movie were moving from the single age to the having a baby age and looking at the choices they had to make. I have seen the movies of people moving from the having kids at home to the being single again. They usually seem to star Diane Keaton. It seems like it ends with her walking on the beach with a rich but lonely guy, that somehow has a charming personality. Pretty much seems like a Cinderella story with a few differences. This Cinderella is rich and has her own house. She is a writer or decorator , that has been paid lots of money. The house is immaculate. She just needs Prince Charming. My story is certainly not like that. Right now, my house is piled with stuff. Small stuff that I am not ready to part with, and big stuff that I don’t know if I need. Will I ever get that job that I want? I might need stuff for that. Will I travel? I might need stuff for that. Will I want to part with family photos that no one ever looks at? Should I do something with these? I wish I could have a crystal ball.
But I am getting away from the purpose of the day. Ten things of Thankfulness. Yes, this is a time to put my thinking cap on, and realize that there are things under all the piles of stuff to be thankful for.
10) The first has to be this quiet time. With my husband home so often and with so much going on, it seems hard to find that quiet time to just sit and listen to myself. Now, I just need a way to get my brain going. My eyes don’t seem to focus and the whole morning seems to blur.
9) My gratitude to the caregiver that I have had for my parents the last few years is huge. She is getting me through this stage of getting them into a facility and trying to figure out what they need. The whole process of them moving in has not gone smoothly. My dad has taken a turn for the worse with a bad infection that is resistant to antibiotic. My mom is doing well with the transition. But there is a lot that must be done. My dad needs new pants that can be pulled up without buttons or snaps. Unless you buy sweats there is nothing for him. He has always been a good dresser and doesn’t wear sweats. Hard to find the right thing. Mom needs shoes. Her feet have swollen and she can’t fit into her shoes. She cannot walk far and tires quickly. It is difficult to take her somewhere to try on shoes that she really doesn’t know what she wants. Well, yes, she does know what she wants. She wants to wear white high heels. However, those would make her fall, so that will not work. There are other things that she needs. I am spending more time shopping for them, than I have for myself for the last few years. They both need separate vitamins. How far in advance do you buy when your parents are elderly and in poor health?
8) I am grateful to have gotten through the visit from my sisters. They came in, and took a look at what things they wanted from the house. It is difficult for me, as my parents are not dead and I think if they find out we have split things up, it will be upsetting. However, the sisters want to make sure they get the things they want. I get that. However, they didn’t come here to help with the transition. They never asked what they could do to help me. They simply came, stayed for two days, went through stuff and said hello to my parents and left. My husband and I had to change out a bed for my mom while they were here. While my husband and I are hauling things in and out, I had to ask if one of them could get up and help make up the bed. My older sister had an idea to make the room look better, by putting a valance over the window. Sounds wonderful, but who did she think would do that? Yes, always better to be the idea person than the one actually that has to do the work. But I must concentrate on the fact that they have come and gone and I got through the two days. My older sister was in tears at my parents not being well and probably dieing. I am not. I am busy taking care of them, and I realize that they have had a charmed life. There is nothing to be sad about.
7) I have a busy week to look forward to. There is a job fair at work. I didn’t get the last job I wanted. I have been to these “fairs” before and nothing has changed, but I will go again and see if there is anything new. I have jury duty on Tuesday. This is not something I am looking forward to, but just hoping to get done with it. And Wednesday a dinner with people from my parents facility. Again, not something exciting like winning the lottery, but could be nice. Seems strange to be grateful for these, and maybe I am being grateful, just so I don’t forget to do any of them, but I have to remind myself that gratitude is remembering that you are doing things.
6) I am grateful for the day I had yesterday. My daughter wanted me to babysit while she and her dad went and hit some balls at a golf driving range. I suggested that we all go, and I can watch them golf and watch baby. It worked out well. Baby slept in the car, while I watched them. My daughter watched the baby for awhile while I tried hitting the golf ball. We all had some fun. We then went to get a coffee drink and then we went and walked through some new houses. It is amazing that anyone can afford them, but I am sure they will sell out. We just had fun looking at the fixtures and designs they used.
5) I am grateful that there are not any fires or floods or any other weather disasters around here right now. We are in a drought here, and fires have started quickly in the state. If we don’t get more needed rain, this could be a terrible fire season. I hope and pray that is not so. Today is pleasant so far. Not too hot, and I have the doors and windows open to let the breeze in. This is nice.
4) I am grateful my car is running. I am worried that it is having some problems and I am worried that it might overheat, but for today, it is running.
3) I am struggling (is it obvious from number 4) to find the last few gratefulness ideas of the week. It is time to remind myself that I have gotten up, and I have a roof over my head and food to eat. So number three will be the roof over my head. This does come with a bit of whining. My husband wants to move into my parents house now that they are in the facility. I do not really want to do that, but I am going to do that. There is so much work that needs to be done on the house and there are things I don’t like about it. It does however have a nice backyard without anyone looking directly into our house. That is a hard thing to find in California. I am trying to give this a try.
2) I worry constantly about the health of my middle child. For today he is ok. For that I am grateful. I am grateful for those that are around him and trying to do the right thing for him.
1) I am grateful for the health of my other two children and how their lives seem to be on a good path.