Ten things of Thankfulness July 16th, 2015

According to the group that does the Ten Things of Thankfulness, we are suppose to write on Fridays.  I am here early, although I probably won’t figure out how to actually post it, until a few days later !  This is a process that I am learning, and it still continues to confuse me.  I have a good attitude however, and I will get something done !  Having said that, this week has been an incredible challenge, and finding ten things, let alone one thing will be a good thing for me.

1) The first thing that pops to mind, is the last thing to have happened this week.  I had to meet with the people in the memory care unit, and the people with hospice about the care for my parents.  I was pretty sure they were going to tell me to change out the bed for my mom as it takes up too much room.  We have to have a hospital bed for my dad, a wheelchair, two walkers, a tray table, a dresser, a TV on the dresser and a bookshelf for some extra things.  All of this is to go into a room of 315 square feet.  I knew it would be tight, but I thought the bed in my parents guest bedroom, (a double bed) would work.  It doesn’t.  We need to get a twin size bed for mom.  I  was afraid this meeting was not going to go well, but it went very well, and every one was very nice and trying to work together. So, for that I am grateful.

2) The second thing that I am grateful for is that my husband made the time to go to the meeting mentioned in number 1), and even though he didn’t have to do anything he was there. That means a lot.  He had been going through a time of his own problems, and he wasn’t there to help me for awhile, and now he is much more able to be there.  I can feel his support.

3) Two days ago, my dad was not doing well, and we had him taken to the hospital.  It turned out, as we expected, that he has a U.T.I. (a urinary tract infection).  I guess these are common in the elderly, and we have dealt with this several times.  Luckily this time, they did not put him on any drugs that made it worse (which has happened before), and he was able to spend the day in the ER and return back to the facility they moved into.  I am grateful that medicare and his insurance will pay for all this, and that everything was handled by hospice and the facility.  It really took a lot off of me. I have in the past spent hours in the ER with this type of problem, and I was glad that my mother and I did not have to sit there on hard stools waiting for some doctor to come by. As it was, they told me via phone at 3 pm that he would be sent back, but didn’t get back until 10 pm.  I am so so glad I wasn’t waiting at the ER all that time.  This could be two grateful things, but we will roll it all up into one !

4)Tomorrow, my sisters are coming into town.  They are coming mostly to take claim of things from mom and dad’s house that they want.  These sisters have not helped one bit with any care for my parents in the last few years, and have come out only once at my telling them to come.  They have not stayed any longer than they needed. One sister stayed one day.  They have called a couple of times on birthdays, or fathers day, or mothers day. They claim they love mom and dad, but that they are just so busy, they cannot afford in money or time to be here.  They are arriving on Friday, and I am expecting them to not be happy with anything I have done.  They love to tell me what I need to do, but they do not actually do anything.  They have offered to get lawyers or real estate agents to split stuff up.  I have been accused by them of wanting to have all the control.  When they want to get the calls for help, they can have more say.  If I ask for an opinion, they either say, “well, you are there, so you can figure it out.” or “Well, we need to get mom and dad into a facility.”  And by “we” they mean me !   So for this gratitude, I am grateful that they will not be staying for long. One sister, is coming across the country and she said she could not afford the ticket out here, so I told her, I would take the money out of dad’s account to pay the ticket, and to make it fair, I would pay for a rental car for my other sister to come down here.  Now the sister coming across the country has set up a visit for her with a friend for two days.  This will keep her from visiting too long with my parents, that she never sees.  Lovely, just lovely.  Two days, two days, two days…that is my mantra!

5) I am very grateful to have this time of peace and quiet to write today.  I started this blog to just give me some experience in writing, and I know without the ten things list, that I would not be finding a reason to put in any effort.  This is a wonderful experience for me. I do want to try and expand my writing.  I had planned, especially, to write on politics, since that is something that always makes me have great emotion, and I have not done that yet.  I have lots of topics I want to cover, so I guess I need to write a top ten list of things I want to write about.  Ah, more to do !

6) I had a job interview last week, but did not get the job.  I am very disappointed, as I thought I had done well.  I can’t help but think that people look at me and see an old lady, and think I am not up to the task or that I am living in the past, and cannot adjust to the new way of doing things.  One question was about what was I doing this summer to increase my skills professionally, and I mentioned that I was doing a blog.  That actually got a good response from them, I thought. I had experience in every area they were looking for.  I have worked with the exact people they would want me to work with.  I got the same response.  “We have decided to go with someone else, but you are great and if anything comes up, we will let you know.”   I guess for all this, I am grateful I still have my old job.

7) I got to have crepes last Sat. with my best friend.  She has officially moved away, but they left a condo here, so will be here part of the time.  She will be here until Oct. so it will go fast.  But the time for coffee and crepes was wonderful and I am grateful for that.

8) I am grateful that I have been able to keep up on my diet.  It is an expensive program, but it works for me, when nothing else has.  It isn’t always easy, but my weight is down almost to where I need it to be.  I have been trying to get some exercise, and I have not done what I should, but I have managed to take a walk around the block.  I am grateful that this is working for me.

9) I am most grateful for a caregiver I have for my parents.  I am paying her for her work, but she is amazing and is supportive of me along with my parents.  I really would be lost without her.  I think at some point I will have to let her go, and let the facility take over, but it will be hard.  I was just talking to her and she goes through so much of caring for her family without help, like I do, but she is strong and doesn’t mince words with them.  However, right now, the sisters and brothers are mad at her, so it becomes a similar situation to mine.

10)  I am grateful that this week is closing up.  I don’t know how I will get through the next few days. I am grateful for my new blogging friends that are listening to all I deal with.  I do hope I can somehow make sense of this and put it in perspective.  I was just reading a post by a 26 year old on Maria Shivers page, titled ” what I wish knew when I was 20″ or something to that effect.  All I could think was that she has no idea of what is to come.  Maybe that is a good thing.


6 thoughts on “Ten things of Thankfulness July 16th, 2015

  1. Vanessa D.

    I’m very sorry you didn’t get the job! When I was in a position where I did hiring, I looked for experience and really didn’t care about age! I’m also very sorry your sisters are only helpful when there are things to be divided up. I hope that doesn’t wind up being too much of a trial for you.


  2. ivywalker

    at 52 my mother who is 86 says the same thing about me that you just said about the 26 yo and she is right too! I hope all goes as well as it can with your sisters. It is a stressful time that should only be made better by family support but saddly isnt… Families are funny that way. The fallout is awful at times like this… Im sorry youre going through so much. Be sure to take care of yourself as well.


  3. Clark Scottroger

    the strain of caregiving to parents (with or without help from relatives) can be extreme, both overtly and subtly, the second can be the more damaging… the slow wearing down. You seem to have a good sense of your own strengths (and weaknesses) which is surely the best any of us can have, dealing with such an extreme life situation.
    I smiled while reading your first paragraph! Yes, I believe there are rules and procedures to the TToT. But we also have something called the Secret Book of Rules (aka the Book of Secret Rules)… it is incredible. The idea of a gratitude blog is simply good, a way of shaping one’s perspective and managing the negatives, in part or in whole through sharing with the group on the weekends. The BoSR/SBoRs is where the crazy fun is found ’round here! zoe and Lizzi are considered savants in concernant le livre de règles secrètes (alias le livre secret des Règles) so feel free to ask them (‘anything’… which is encouraged in SR 3.9.4 ‘all participants in the TToT are required to answer all questions relating to the BoSR/SBoR or dance before the SGV*) seriously!

    * zoe is the authority on the SGV (Seven Guard Virgins)…


  4. dyannedillon

    Don’t put pressure on yourself to get your TToT post written by Friday! The link is open until midnight Pacific time on Sunday.
    I’m sorry you’re having issues with your sisters, but I totally understand it. My brother isn’t nearly that bad, but he’s 5 hours away and offers advice, but doesn’t ever DO anything. I hope you’re happy with the care facility for your parents and that everything goes as well as can be expected.


  5. Kristi

    The TToT link up is open for the whole weekend for a reason. I’m a co-host, and was one of the last to link up this weekend. Don’t worry about the timing of the link-up; we’re just glad you are joining us! 🙂
    Take care of yourself. Being a caregiver can be stressful. Hope this week goes better than expected.



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