Lost in Time
he title Lost in Time came to my head right now. At first it didn’t seem quite right. I came to write about what a difficult day this has been. I came to get some of those emotional thoughts out of my head and onto the paper, perhaps making them go away for good. Somehow, though, the title does seem appropriate.
I went today and helped my 88 year old father with a Parkinson type condition and my 88 year old mother with Alzheimer get to the dentist. It was a simple teeth cleaning for my dad, but getting him ready and there took the whole day. They had to have breakfast, take a shower, have pills, make sure they have gone to the bathroom (just like a toddler), have lunch, brush teeth, check the bathroom issues again and put themselves together. These are the things most people do in the first hour of the day,( well, except the lunch) but at 88 it takes all day. Being that it was an unusually muggy weather out, made the trip even more trying.
After the trip to the dentist, we had to have “THE TALK.” This was not the talk about the birds and the bees. It was the talk about how we cannot keep you in your home any more. I have tried having caregivers in the home. The first one stole about $5000, plus jewelery and who knows what else, just in the first month. It was impossible to prove, except that there was money missing from the bank and ATM machines had been used. Later we got a caregiver that has been wonderful and is completely trustworthy, but we cannot keep this up. My husband and I have worked every weekend for them for the last few years for free, trying to keep costs down. We have just gotten to the point that this is not working anymore. There were tears, and sadness. Dad said he knew he had a good life. But the reality is they still want to be 20 years old and have a nice house and travel and have parties and fun, but they cannot leave the living room, they have no company, and they are not doing well.
Tomorrow we will have a tour of the place that I found. I am sure that as has happened before, Dad will not be happy with it. He wasn’t happy with the more expensive places,so I am sure that he will find fault with this one. I told him, that we were raised in the military, and we made the best of wherever we were and we were going to have to do that now. We lived in Quonset Huts. We lived right in the middle of warehouses next to docks that were full of very large rats (we got lots of cats for that move) ! If we could make those work, we could make this work. But somehow, it seems to feel more like I have told him he is useless and should die.
I hope and pray the seeing of the place tomorrow will make him realize it will be ok. I don’t have my sights set too high. It is just to get through all this mess. I see rich people talk about how you just have the conversation and then you find a place for your parents. There just isn’t a place that is good enough for mine. Maybe if I had enough money and could send them on an around the world cruise with a caregiver, I would feel better. Or if I had a big home, where we could live and have constant care for them so I wouldn’t feel exhausted. Rich people often say it is difficult for them too, but somehow, I don’t think it is as difficult as this.
Tomorrow is a new day. I don’t know how the time will go..but today I do know I feel lost.